My Lighthouse.

I don't even know what I'm doing anymore.
It all just feels like a big mess.
Everything always just seems so strained, and awkward for me.
I never know what to do or say, it just seems like all I can do is sit there and stutter while I watch people go out and live their lives, and make things happen.
I want to be that person.
Those persons.
I want to make it happen.
Anything and everything.
And I want it to just.. Flow.
I want to be able to say that I'm satisfied..
And really mean it, to the bottom of my heart.
And even then, after i say all of this, and I just sit here and complain about it, I don't know how, or what to do to change it.
I try and keep myself busy with little things like writing, or drawing, but nothing gives me satisfaction.
It doesn't fill me, you know?
I want something that I can just run to, and be able to let go.
Be free.
And I'll just run to it, and take that deep breath, and it'll feel so good.
Like a fresh sea breeze, on a cool spring day.
My lighthouse.
I sure hope it comes to me soon.
I'll keep digging until I find something.
And I'll make it real.
No matter what it takes.