Exhale..

And breathe.

I've found that if I take somewhere from a half hour to an hour each day to meditate, and just breathe, and think about everything, it gives me a clearer head, and such a feeling of peace with myself.

I love it.

I suggest it to anyone and everyone.

Hm.

So Valentine's Day was pretty much a bummer.

BIG TIME.

I'd sure like my board back.

ASjdkflas;ldkfjs;l\

Hahaha.

Whatever.

Two-Face?

I've been feeling kinda bipolar lately?

I dunno.

My moods are out of control.

I'm happy for about 5 seconds, and then I get all pissed off, and then I get all sad, and then the cycle starts itself over.

Blehh.

I WANT TO BE HAPPY.

But I don't know which way I should turn.

Lack of..

Focus?

I dunno.

I don't really have anything interesting to say I realized, after I tried posting countless blogs that turned out to be nothing worth reading.

It feels as if my mind is constantly sidetracked.

To where, I'm not sure.

Obama's Inauguration!

I've gotta say, after everything that's happened all through the election, and everything, I'm really excited for Obama to finally be president!

I was kinda iffy at first.. I mean with everything that my family was saying about how shifty he was, and all that crap about his lack of citizenship, and birth certificate, I didn't really feel so good about him, but then I watched a few of the debates, and, I mean, wow!

He was just such a great speaker, and I really liked his views on Healthcare, Iraq/Homeland Security, and Immigration.

I really think he's going to be a great president, and make a lot of new and good changes to our country, especially concerning our current economy's situation.

His Inauguration speech was so powerful, and invigorating, I thought.

He's really commited to giving his all to our country.

Let's all give him the chance he deserves, and help him make it a great 4 years(:

Nice!

So, I probably had the coolest saturday of my life since.. Ever.

Okay, maybe not ever, but it's definitely in the top 3-4.(:

So, here's what went down.

Me and Heather went and volunteered at the Mission of Grace Thrift Store for like 5 hours or so?

We went over because Alexis had community service, so I thought we could keep her company while making some nice store credit(:

It was really fun!

I found like 3 really sweet shirts, and 3 pairs of shoes, (But 2 of them are too small. Damnn.) and this really sick bag that was made out of one of those comforters that you see in hotels.

And get this.. It was only like 10 bucks!

Nice! Right? No. Okay. Hahaha.

It was pretty cool though.

Well, then after it closed, around 4, we decided to head over to AliBerto's to get something to eat, and I had probably the best burrito and cup of rice I've had in a long time.

It was freakin deelish.(:

Then we decided we'd walk back to my house cause my mom wasn't home, and that was an adventure in itself I suppose. The walk was really long though. But it was nice.

After we got to my house, Blake came to pick us up for a little concert at Hayley's house, but then we decided we didn't want to go, so we ended up hanging out with him for a few hours.

First, he needed to go get his car washed, so we went through, but for some reason it never rinsed of his car, it just left it all suddy, which I thought was pretty hilarious.

Especially since he wasn't... Too happy, to say the least. Hahaha

Then we drove up to some little mountain tower place, and looked at the stars, and the nice city view for a while, and that was really nice.

Then we decided it might be a good idea to go back to Hayley's since Blake was gonna go hangout with his girlfriend Shay.

So we get there, and the concert has just ended not even 10 minutes ago.

Hahaha.

Just a bit awkward?

Yeah, kinda.

Well, then I guess everyone was gonna go see My Bloody Valentine, so we decided to tag along.

It ended up being the most ridiculously stupid movie ever! Hahaha.

It would alternate from such horrid acting that I would be laughing, to absolutely grueling

murders to where I was jumping and screaming.

It was just really DUMB.

But the 3D effects were pretty dope.

Hmm..

Then we all went to Denny's and were out until like 1 or 2ish?

My mom wasn't too pleased, to say the least.

Well, then we basically just put in Flight of the Conchords and fell asleep.

Pretty boss day I'll say.

Yeah(:

Juliet?!

Wow.

I can't even believe it!

I got cast as Juliet in my school play!

I'm so excited!

I mean, I haven't had much acting experience at all, but I had so much fun learning my monolague, and I did things I didn't even know I could do!

That's one of the greatest feelings, in my opinion.

I'm just so pumped for this!

It's gonna be such a great experience, and I'm gonna learn so much from it, I'm just so happy!

Hahaha.

A little over enthused, maybe?

Oh well.

That's okay.

I like it.

Ohh!

And one more thing I forgot to mention!

Freakin JOOD is coming out to see my play!

Man! I'm so excited for him to be there!

It's gonna make it even awesomer.

If that's even a word.

Well, if it isn't, then it is NOW//////

Okay I'm done with my shouts of happiness for now.

Goodbye fellow bloggers!

And lame asses that don't have blogs.

(Hint; GET A FREAKIN BLOG AND GET OF MYSPACE)

Okay.

That's enough.

Random Thought Process.

So, here's just a few things that have been running through my mind lately.

1) Opposable thumbs are pretty much the whole reason we can do.. Almost anything?
I mean, just think about it.
Cups, utensils, pens, steering wheels.. Pretty much anything that you hold in your hands, and physically use (that's what she said?) would be almost completely useless without opposable thumbs. Just a nice little tidbit.

2) Where on earth do some of our dreams come from? I mean, some are just really insanely out there. I'd like to know where, and how they found their way into my brain.

3) The universe is HUGE. I mean, like uncomprehensibly just MASSIVE. My mind just starts to spin when I think about it.

4) The human mind is absolutely, ridiculously amazing. I mean, your whole body depends on it for, well everything. Without your brain, you're pretty much just a big, mindless(literally) organism.

5) I really like music. More and more everyday. Everything just feels.. Blank without it, you know? Whichever caveman first decided to bang to rocks together, and make corresponding noises, is the most brilliant person who ever lived.

6) If Adam and Eve were "the first two beings on earth", then how would we have slowly evolved from a lesser race? Were they just the first two to completely evolve, or is the evolution theory just a bunch of bullshit?

7) Where did we come up with language, and names for every tiny little thing? What, did we just decided, "Oh! We should start talking to each other!"(Or whatever thought process that might have been known as)

8) Why do we always find such trivial things SO important to us? Like, if our best friend tells us a secret, or if the boy we like finds out, or if we lost our new, bright pink lipstick? In the end (generally speaking), how exactly is any of that going to benifit us in any way whatsoever?

Damn.
I had some other really good ones.
Oh well.
Maybe next time.

Making some changes; trying to stick to my new years resolutions.

I've really been thinking a lot about the things going on in my life, and really trying hard to improve.
I find that the reason I've felt so down, and bummed out about my life is because I've just been sitting around, doing nothing.
Now that I've been getting more active, and filling my time with things that are productive, I just feel a lot better(:
It feels like I just blogged about this, but that's okay.
I don't really have anything else to blog about right now, since I let off all that steam from friday.
Hm.. Well let's see.
What's going on in my life right now.
Well, I've been keeping up faithfully to my running 3x a week thing, and I already feel a lot more in shape.
Hm.
School's going good.
I think I'm really gonna like my classes this semester.
Play tryouts were on friday, but I chickened out, so I'm gonna do it tomorrow instead.
Oh! Here's something.
Saturday night was the Alaska & Me concert!
I thought it was really fun!
I haven't been to a show in.. Wow.
I don't even know how long. Hahaha.
It was really small.
There was only 30, maybe 40 people there.
But the bands were really good, and it was really nice.
I had forgotten how much I love going to little shows.
The crowd was pretty lame though..
I was pretty much one of the only ones attempting to dance.
I think it's velour time!
Yeah.
More than high time, I think.
(:

Just a nice friday night with the fam?

No.
That's not yet been proven possible. Hahaha

So here's whats going on.
My aunt and uncle come over on friday night to watch movies and visit.
Sounds nice enough right?
That's what I thought.

So we started off with this movie called Flawless, I think?
Well, I thought it was pretty good.
Then, I offered the office season 3 for our next movie.
I thought, ohh they'll love it!
Hahaha.
Yeah right.
I probably should have known better.

Well, the first one on the season is one called 'gay witch hunt'.
Where michael finds out oscar is gay, and how he tries to make everyone believe that being gay is okay and good, and that anyone can be, and stuff like that, you get the idea.
In one part michael ends up kissing oscar, which I thought was hilarious.

Well, after I start it up, I realize that I am the only person laughing, and my aunt and uncle are just glaring that the tv, looking like they wanna kill someone.
Then my uncle pauses it after the kissing part, and says, do you honestly think this garbage is funny?
Well, of course I said yes, haa I was laughing like the whole time.
Then he goes into one of his ridiculously long lectures, telling me that gay is a sin, and people are condemned for what I'm laughing at right now.
Then, about how awful humor is, and how anything that makes gay seem right, is disgusting, and well you get the idea.

Wow.
I was just sitting there, waiting to just start screaming at him.
It took every part of me to not tell him how ignorant, and predjudiced he was.
What I did say was, are you honestly sitting here, telling me how awful these people are, just because they have a different sexual orientaion than you?
I mean, what else are they supposed to do?
Get married to a woman, and be unhappy for the rest of your life, just so you can be accepted?
Or what?
Just be alone all of your life?
No!
Of course not!
Everyone has the right to be happy, no matter who they are attracted to!

Then he says, well if I'm attracted to another woman, do I leave my wife for her? (What?!)
Uhh...
No.
Nice try.
You stay with her, because you're obviously attracted to her, and very in love with her, otherwise why would you be happily married for 40 something years?
Not exactly a good comeback.

That was pretty much all he said.
Well, that I can remember.
I was so focused on trying not to yell at him, I wasn't paying too much attention to anything else.

I don't care if anyone thinks I'm overreacting, or anything else.
I find people being against gay people, gay marriage, all that to be so stupid, and ridiculous!
I mean, you may not like it, but that's how it goes.
They are people, just exactly like you are!
What should make it so horrid, and disgusting to you?
It's not like you're forced to watch them have sex, right?

I just don't see why everyone is having such a hard time grasping such a simple concept:
Let love be love.
No matter what shape or form,
Let it be.

And it sounds so soothing..

To mix a drink, and sink into oblivion.

Still things could be much worse,
Natural disasters on the evening news.
Still things could be much worse,
We still got our health;
My paycheck in the mail.

Wow.
I feel so good.
Like I really just feel great, you know?

I have no idea what it is.
Whether it's the fact that my new classes are going awesome, and I've already made some new friends, or that the play is about to begin, or something else that I'm not aware of, it feels awesome, and I just wanna break out in song and dance in the middle of anything and everything.

Well, to start off, my first hour is guitar, which in itself is awesome, because I've been wanting to learn guitar ever since I knew what a guitar was.
And then, not to mention there are a lot of really cool kids in there, so that's nice.
And plus, learning guitar is one of my new years resolutions, so that makes me feel pretty accomplished already, and that's a nice little boost.

Then, my second hour is english, which I absolutely love, so I'm really excited already.
My teacher seems really cool, and I'm glad, cause that makes classes a lot more bearable in my opinion.
And kara is in my second hour!
I'm really glad she's in there, cause it's really nice to actually have another freshman that I can actually have really intelligent conversations with, and that's really fun to be around, instead of all the ridiculous, immature conversations that I have to put up with with most of the other kids in my grade.

My third hour is history, which I usually am not a big fan of, but so far, I'm really liking it!
We've already written a couple of response papers, and for some reason I really love those!
I just love voicing my opinions in class, and in my work, and listening to other peoples' opinions, and having discussions about politics and stuff. It absolutely fascinates me.
And kara is in my third hour too, and that's really nice(:

My fourth hour is hospitality, which at first, I really wanted to get out of, cause it seemed really boring, and I was getting really bad vibes off of the teacher, but I think I really don't mind it at all now. I met this kid named franklin who sits across from me, and he's really nice, and he helped my practice my monolague for my audition on monday, and it's nice to have at least one friend in class.
And it seems like this class is gonna be a really easy A, which is definitely a bonus(;

The play is gonna start so soon!
I'm so excited, you really don't even know.
I've just been sitting around almost everyday for something fun to do, and it's finally here!
Tryouts were today, and monday.
I was going to to it today, but then I chickened out, and I wanted to change my monolague, so I decided to do it on monday.
I really hope I get a good part!
We're doing Romeo and Juliet, and I really wanna play the nurse, or juliet.
I know how cliche that sounds, "Ohh, I wanna be juliet! Ohh how romantic!" But I really think it would be a great part, and I could really learn and grow a lot from it!

So, one of my new years' resolutions was to run a mile at least three times a week, and I'm really doing it!
I ran on wednesday, and I'm gonna run today, and tomorrow.
It just feels so good to finally be excersizing again!
All I usually do everyday is just sit around and watch movies, blog, and eat.
And I think it just makes me feel like crap, you know?
I feel like if I'm doing something really productive regularly, it'll make a big difference in my attitude, and moods.

I've also started reading again.
Right now I'm reading this book called Gerald's Game, and it's awesome!
Stephen King is an absolute genious!
I've always had a hard time finding books that really captivate me, you know?
But I just can't stop reading!

I really love being able to fill my time with good, productive things now, you know?
It makes me feel great, and it helps me grow, whether it's intellectually, or physically, and I just love it!

Well, that's all the good news I currently have.
I just couldn't contain my happiness for much longer, so I had to write a blog about it!

Haha, it's funny because when I blog, it almost feels like a journal, or diary, you know?
I've always tried to keep one, from the time I was really little, but it'll just always slip my mind one day, and then the next day, and then I'll just stop writing in it.
But I can always remember when I want to blog; it's almost just a daily thing for me, you know?
I really like it.

20 things.

Saw this on cody and jude's blog, and figured it's high time I steal it as well.
Okay.
Here goes nothing.


1. List 20 things you want to say to people, but never could.
2. Don't say who they are.
3. Never mention it again.

1. I try so hard to forget you, but no matter what I do, I think you'll always be stuck there.

2. I miss you more than the world.

3. I don't know how far it will go, but I sincerely love what we have now, and I cherish every moment of it.

4. You make the stay worthwhile.

5. I can't even explain how much you've helped me, in so many ways. I look up to you more than anyone else.

6. If I could only get my hands on you.. I would do every horrid, vile thing in existance. You absolutely disgust me.

7. You're more of a mother than the actual thing. I love you.

8. Grow a pair.

9. Grow up, and start taking responsibility for your stupidity.

10. Sometimes I really can't stand you in the least. But other times.. I'm really glad we're friends.

11. I really wish I could just sit down with you, and talk about everything.

12. You are the best friend that I've always wanted. You inspire me like no one else. It's so refreshing to hang out with you. Let's really stay friends for the rest of our lives.

13. I really miss being friends with you, but I know our paths are so different now, it would never work.

14. Just marry him already!

15. Even though I'm grateful I could help you through your struggles, I really just wish you would stop talking to me.

16. I just don't know how to talk to you anymore.

17. You're digging your own grave.

18. I really want to, but I'm scared.

19. I really enjoy talking with you. You're a real nice kid.

20. You really creep me out. I wish you could just be normal, and nice.

New Years' Resolutions!

I always tell myself I'm going to do it, and I never do.
Then I go and tell everyone else they should do it.
#1: Complete all of my new years resolutions for once/stop being a hypocrite.
#2: Run 1 mile at least 3 times a week. My lazyness is finally going to stop. This time I'm serious.
#3: Eat healthier. I don't know about you, but I would really like to go a month without puking from eating so badly.
#4: Start playing piano again. I'm serious this time. I want to get really good.
#5: Start drawing again. I love it, and I always get great ideas, but I never put them to paper. It's high time I start making good use of my imagination.
#6: Start writing. I try, then I fail, and then I give up. I'm going to commit for real this time.
#7: Be passionate. I'm going to keep this one to myself, but I need it.
#8: Read at least 5 books a month. I used to be such a bookworm, and now it's rare that I touch a book. I am going to start reading again, all the time. It will be really good for me, and I'll realize what I've been missing out on for the past year or two.
#9: Learn to play the guitar. I've been talking about it for such a long time. It's time. And I'm gonna do it.
#10: Start performing. I don't know what it will be yet. Plays, singing, dancing, musical instruments.. But whatever it be, I want that rush that you can only get on stage again. It makes me feel so free.

Merry Christmas!

Well.

Christmas was really great this year, like I was hoping.

I had a really great time with my family, and friends.

I really felt the christmas spirit.

It felt so nice to give everyone their gifts, and see the excited look on their faces.

That was the best gift I got, in my opinion.

(:

A breath of fresh air.

Ahhh.

I feel so refreshed.

Being in utah was like a breath of fresh air, after breathing in the smog of show low for 3 months.

Not literally, of course.

Everytime I go back, it reminds me of how much I actually miss being there.

And not just being there, of course.

Because there's definitely nothing special about orem, utah.

Just hanging out with Jude, and Cody.

Going to Albertson's to get free cookies.

Stuffing myself at Panda.

Having crazy dance parties until I feel like falling over.

It may sound lame to you..

But that's what I live for right now.

Those few short breaths of fresh air, after the smoke subsides.

I love those kids with my whole heart.

I really do.

It sounds cheesy, and cliche, but I couldn't care less.

It just feels so refreshing to be around them.

They really are my best friends.

And I fully intend to stay friends with them far past high school.